ActionScript for the Pissed-Off Designer

Do not teach your children never to be angry; teach them how to be angry. —Lyman Abbott

Interview with the Pissed-Off Designer

Otherwise known as FAQs.

Okay. Um. Why?

Look. You’re pissed. I’m pissed. So let’s just put our pleasantries aside and do this together, okay?

You know, I know this really good therapist that specializes in anger management...

That doesn’t sound like a question to me.

Oh. Sorry.

Please. Don’t waste your time.

Sorry for—I mean—

Now you’re apologizing for apologizing: I’m beginning to think you’re the one with issues.

I’m not feeling very comfortable right now.

That’s your problem. On with the questions, please.

Okay...um: why are you charging money for your screencasts when I can get them for free from Lee Brimelow at gotoandlearn.com?

Lee Brimelow works for Adobe.

Oh. But...

Listen, fool. There will always be free lo-res FLVs on this site and on YouTube. You wanna watch hi-res versions offline or on your iPod/iPhone?

There are times when I do, yes.

Then pay up.

Wow. You’re... Ghetto?

Yeah, well. I got a reputation to maintain.

How come I can’t buy a subscription?

Cause this ain’t no full-time biz. You wanna buy a subscription? I heard this girl named Lynda is selling them. Plus she’s got a whole lot more subjects to offer than I do/can. Here, you can pay only for what you want since I ain’t about to start payin’ my rent through APOD—not yet at least. Make sure to spread the good word about APOD—I just might then be updating more often and start payin’ my rent with it.

Do you teach classes?

Harvard hasn’t yet handed me my honorary degree yet (some complicated red-tap mix up with tampered permanent records or so I’m told—whatever), but if you’re in the Greater Boston area (closer to the city, the better), then I do offer tutoring in a range of digital media-focussed subjects: Flash and ActionScript (duh), Photoshop, Illustrator, HTML, CSS, and general Mac OS X geekery. Interested? Then let a brotha know.

Somebody told me that some of your methods of practice are full of *ish. I’m beginning to doubt whether I should listen to you or not...

Listen. I ain’t claimin’ to be the Bruce Lee of ActionScript (though I have been told I bear some resemblance) — just somebody who’s got enough knowledge and experience to Get *ish Done Quickly in Flash and ActionScript. Hopefully in sharing it, others can benefit as well. That being said, some of the things I show you may be outmoded or Downright Bad Practice. If you happen to be someone who Knows Better than I — well then — let a brotha know. Again.

Who you callin’ “fool”? Where’s my ActionScript 3.0? Where’s my object-oriented design patterns?

We’re all fools here—pissed-off fools. That being said, unfortunately I can not ease the anger of every fool out there. If you happen to be an advanced developer moving into ActionScript from another language, don’t worry: there’s still plenty of love out there for you here, here, and here. Who ever said good lovin’ wasn’t just a click away? And no, I am not talking about that kind of lovin’. Focus here peoples, focus.

How do I work this thang?

If by “this thang” you mean Flash the Application, then I suggest you check out Shane Rebenschied’s Flash 8 Essentials over at lynda.com. (Props to Ze.)

Famous last words?

Peace out. Word to ya mutha. And all that good *ish.

Based on Hemingway ported by throughbrokenglass.

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